Memories

Today is a special day for me...
according to the chinese calendar, i am officially 18. wow.. such an old guy ! xD
haha.. i was so shameless to tell everybody that today is my birthday but they seemed to have no emotion.. haiz.. only he said that wanna boil an egg for me! haha... what a touching action! ( although it was just a stupd joke) lolx...

Different from the other years, i kept repeating to remind people around me my birthday...
maybe it was just for fun but somehow maybe there was sense of fearfulness...

Not being afraid of being forgotten, but i was just worrying that who knows, it will be the last time for us be together~

Form1- there is nobody remember my birthday except 1 or 2..
Form 2- it comes better when someone crosses the road and rushes to buy some fruits for you before you get on the bus!
Form 3-oh yea.. puasa huh.. Laksa trip was nice..
Form 4- a sweet and a warm one but somebody was exam-ing

haha.. to be continue......

Days in Cacoon

Some spend days, some spend weeks, some spend months,
no matter how much time you spent,
still, we just waiting for the moment to break the cocoon..

until the favorable moment, i will penetrate it, to find myself, to see myself, to face the world with the whole new me, leaving the history in the history...

somehow, the days in cocoon will never be the history, it hides in the corner of your mind, popping up every now and then, reminding you, pain is gone...

staying inside the cocoon, darkness overwhelmed my heart. i am lost, easily being drifted by whatever simple failures which beat me mercilessly. Apparently, i am vulnerable , to everything which is not invited that intrudes my life unexpectedly... i it is too dark for me to see the changes undergoing... what reminds me with my presence is the failure.. it bangs me,whenever i fall, whenever i fail...

i wonder, is every single butterfly has undergone this stage? they are just so perfect that one would never relate them with the awful cocoon... or they are too perfect for the cocoon? perhaps..
cocoon always seems to be made for me, a fragile little flower~
can i be myself after my metamorphosis?

it is a doubt...

it will be cleared, when i break my cocoon, walking out with my heads up high, proudly announcing that " its me! a grown up me!"

A guy named ze chen..

1. He is always cheerful but sometimes can be very "windy"
2. He is patient but impatient towards nonsense.
3. You treat him good, he will treat you better.
4. He hates people who are being irresponsible and could be very demanding.
5. He likes silly jokes as long as the jokes do not hurt.
6. He like socializing but shy for times.
7. He does what he thinks is right but he love to have others' ideas.
8. He is not a good decision make but he always makes the final decision.
9. He is tough although he doesnt look so. :)
10. He is braver than anyone can imagine.
11. He is cynical for times where depress but get well soon.
12. He loves friends but hate insincere friends.
13. He loves being envied but hates it at the same time.
14. He likes to chat over msn and facebook and always hope that someone will nudge him.
15. He like friends treating him like boyfriend or girlfriend but he never thinks so.
16. He like asking stupid questions and hoping for a clever answers.
17. He has high expectations on everything.
18. He is over sensitive at critical moments but lose his sensory receptors at most of the times.
19. He like guessing between the relationships between friends especially a boy and a girl. xP
20. He thinks a lot when he does something and always want to be perfect.
21. He like friends tell him what he has done wrong to him but not at the back!
22. He hates friends who lie.
23. He felt disappointed when being betrayed.
24. He like truths but is afraid of them.
25. He shares things with someone but hardly be the same one..
26. He always expected a wrong person to do a designated thing for him.
27. He looks for someone who knows him well but does not really want it happens.
28. He acts arrogant but he is warm.
29. He hate coquettish ladies.

and

30. He does not know himself very much.. haha..

Put the blame on it~

i just realised that what i need was not what i wanted...

what i wanted was not what i needed...

choosing the wrong things, wrong persons, wrong options, wrong ways...

perhaps that i wont do the same things in my exam...

why do people get angry?

it can be as easy as abc...

but can be as difficult as solving add math questions...

however, you would never find a perfect solution to solve it~

you could be mad at yourself,

or mad at others.

or both~ or not at all...

Does PMS only exclusive to girls?

maybe there are also syndromes for boys, for all, including those undergo menopause..

mood swings like a ride on roller coaster...

you just could not control it..

PMS is like phenomenon, enveloped your life...

not only for the first few days..

but anytime anywhere....

making lives miserable like they never did...

feeling like wanna jump from school building?

taking extra panadol and enjoying your afterlife?

banging your head against the concrete walls?

stop blaming yourself..

maybe you are one of the victim of PMS!

just find something to blame but never yourself..

blaming others surely make things easier, brighter, wiser, much better....

and the best way for me to expiate my whatever nonsense feelings..

Appreciation~

You would never learn this word unless you have lost something...
As the time goes by, we gain something and of course, we lost something..
while I am tantalized by the new things gained, something seems to be leaving, secretly, unable to be aware of..

I am always told to appreciate the things that i own, but i never see them clearly before I lose them..I would never know their goods, their contributions, their cuteness, unless they are not by my side...

Maybe, it is the path of the life...

unsorted diary.. lolx...

Fire ! Fire! Fire!
There is what my teacher keep insisting in the first month i entered his class...
Few months has passed... But i think whenever I think about this teacher, i wont forget my writing on fire..

The fire alarm rang this morning.. Everybody was no in the "fire" mood at all, dragging their own heavy bodies, heading the school field at snail's pace.. I was running, at first, unexpectedly, rushing to the class to keep my container.. lolx.. After being nagging by my dear fellow, I went down the block, following the crowd to the field...

Sun was scorching hot, burning every cell of mine, mercilessly... I could feel that the melanin in my body is growing , just like the mushroom after the heavy downpour.. lolx... Wearing the super thick blazer, rate of perspiration was high enough to drench my shrits.. TOO SEXY TO BEHOLD...xDD...

Blazer was functionable in this hot day! It was what unexpected.. lol..
Most prefect took off their blazers for the use of blocking the sun ray..
me too, took off my blazer but lend it to a friend..

After few hours of torture, we were allowed to go back to our class... However, during the bio class, i found out that my NAME TAG HAS LOST! shit..
it was my first name tag and i loved it so much~~~~

Hoping someone to accompany to search for my name tag in the field but to no avail. What friends they are? ARGHhh..

Finally, the class was over and I rushed to the field to search my name tag... Alone, I realised that our school field was not that small .. I was too small in the big field..
I didnt know why, a sense of pathos surged through me.. Was it sympathy for myself? Among the verdant grass, i could not find my name tag, but a pair of disgusting socks..
Just as I was about to go back, he catches my attention.. I had never expect anyone will come through this way. I had never expect anyone will come to offer me their helping hands...

Nevertheless, he did.. just in the nick of time...
Honestly, it wasnt that touching but he just came in the right time, surprisingly, the moment that i feel hollow...

Again, if you ask me that am i sensitive?
maybe, it's true.. lolx.. i could be hurt too...
by words or by actions..
i could put up a brave front,
but,
i would rather hate you whenever i want...

and also,
the things that you have done for me,
I would really appreciate..
as long as my memory is fresh...... xD

ChatterBOX

Apparently, i was experiencing the lack of topic to chat.. Topic that aroused me much was always the same..
I find out that what I care so much is only myself.. haha..
whatever topic i was going to ask other is about myself... and i was always the one to answer my questions.. lolx.. super weirdo! wakaka...
but i enjoyed it!

how many days that we left to do so? spending time at the back of class, sitting like we were in kopitiam...

We talked, we laughed. We laughed, then we keep talking..

There is what I like.. Truthfully, the topic doesnt matter..